Friday, December 31, 2010

It's been a while..New Year!!

It's been a while since I last wrote, there are thoughts in my head just can't seem to find it's way, I love writing and lately I went back to pen and paper, It somehow felt more personal, then I started to feel my finger joint hurt. I always try to write down thoughts even on the back of a receipt later to be transferred to my journal. It's the new year for me and keeping within the spirit of the holidays, though I am really not a holiday person, I manage to sum up my past year in a word "rollercoaster". Yup it's been one crazy ride and with all the loops, ups and downs. This year, well kinda started already to be a calm one and praying and hoping that this one is. At least i'll try to make it one. 

For whatever it's worth even though some part of my year wasn't right, somehow I came to know that how strong a person can be, there is always something that breaks that person...

That is that.. nothing more....

Sunday, March 14, 2010

New Beginnings-New Me

There's a new ME in town, After weeks of partying myself, I realized people come and go, but people you've known all your life stays, even if you don't get to see them often, they still are a part of your life somehow, that you weren't close before then you meet again then wham you just hit it off.. Even people you've come to love; letting go will always be part of my story.This story is for me, and for readers who are interested. I have realized that dwelling is not easy to get over than it seems, but I've done it once again, I didn't dwell let it linger only as much as I allowed it to, then move on. So I have; not expecting anything at all, busying myself with friends and family, partying here and there when I have the time. It's time to actually sit down and enjoy more nights at home. But I think this time it lingers, maybe It hasn't settled in yet, turning it's ugly head slowly before settling in for the big bite. Taking time to realize everything in a different perspective. I can't say if I can handle this or not, I don't want to put an end to the story.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Let's play who...

I've always portrayed myself as stupid and dumb, which is actually easier to deal with people than letting them assume I am smart. I would like to think of myself as smart. But sometimes things get in the way. moving on is easier said than done, but I did and I could say it was a success. I wish I could say to these politicians who think that the people who are voting for them are all dumb. I am entitled to my own opinion as well as any commentator out there for a major news network.

Lets take these politicians running for the highest office in the country:

Politician 1 (very subtle): He came from a political family and a mother who actually became one of our country's president when during her term hasn't done anything except the never ending coup and hiding under the bed, and a father who got shot dramatically getting off an airplane. Rumors go around that he is a certified addict, well for me addict or not, what has he done? really, to prove that he is capable of running our great country?He has this ad campaigns showing showbiz people, I for one am not voting for him just because his sister is one of those who catches an std and admits it on live tv (admirable, but kinda stupid) or gets married to a philanderer who should just keep his thingy in his pants and stay with her for her money. (everybody knows that is the reason) Then there is the issue in their vast private military camp (supposed to be a sugar plantation) what has happened to the people there?Seriously, what has he done?

Politician 2: known to be recently dropped by his uncle for support also cousins of the same genetic build up, ok so he recently was defense whatever, again what has he done for me to vote for him? (shorter than the first one. but most likely choice for me to vote for.

Politician 3: I can't say anything except a businessman who can't get enough riches (greedy, greedy). He said he came from the poor, (wait is that the reason he's running for office? to make sure he doesn't go back to being poor?) has one of the funniest people in showbiz supporting him, has a lot of villages under his company popping out in every nook and cranny of the city. There is also the recent thing about his project somewhere in c5, I haven't really followed up on his career coz somehow I am not interested in him, he smells kinda fishy..

Politician 4: The former president got kicked out of office, and will go down in history as part of Edsa 2, and that irritating ad about continuing what again? hmmm let's see let me list it down but I think my time isn't enough, so here are some of them starting from what irritates me the most: oh wait everything about him irritates me.  He does sure look stupid with that arm band. What he's going to toss the dice to decide what our country should do? or should he just play cards and base his decisions on that? A gambler, womanizer, who can't even do it quietly..drugs maybe or maybe not? murder so they say,

Politician 5: A church leader, I have nothing against other religions but I adhere to the fact that it was established since time in memoriam the separation of power. ( I have been paying attention to my history class in high school, hmmm wait some of these are gunning for the highest position in the land without even graduating grade school, how would they know). Ok so this separation of power thingy, it's supposed to separate church and government, makes sense to me. It's supposed to create balance.

Politician 6: The SBMA hero, good one, needs more experience if you ask me, what he has done in SBMA is nice but I don't think He is actually capable of doing it for the whole country..(need to do more reading on this guy)

Politician 7,8 & 9: Nuisance candidates...eh eh eh nothing more to say...

Ok so why the hell are there so many of these so called I can lead our country to even greatness (my meaning of greatness is more money for their pockets). why can't our COMELEC limit it two 2? oh I forgot democracy.. but still...TBC...  

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

To those who are married, .. Not married .. and soon to be married, I hope you will be touched with this story...


MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.


Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

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A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 GOD LOVES YOU <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.


Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matthew 19:6


PS. THIS IS A REPOST AND IS NOT MY PERSONAL WORK.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

It was just a dream…..

January 25th, 2008 

"Woke up in the middle of the night,everything was perfect, the lifetime we’re going to be spending with each other, cherishing this love we have..you looking down at me while I sleep, enjoying every moment of this time we spend together. waking up in your arms and seeing you smile at me…aching every moment I don’t see you,wishing we could be together all the time…what could be more wonderful than that"….then I wake up to realize shit it was all a dream…..where did that dream come from?maybe from the depths of my brain…who really knows how my psyche works, with all it’s twists and turns.maybe someday…

Just a thought… July 25th, 2008

I tried importing my blogs from my other blog site but way too much process, so i'll just copy and paste it here.with dates when I actually wrote them.


I haven’t written here in a long time, a lot of things happened from my dad’s painful cancer operation (steph sat with me through this keeping me partly sane besides the hunger during the waiting time which was not her fault. Appreciate it a lot. thanks) to fallout, between all these happenings there never seemed to be a time to reflect, finally time to do so, as chinggay would say a few minutes of yoga a day helps keep her calm.(I wonder where she gets her sort of wisdom, as if she’s not practically hyper most of the time)A very good & wise friend  of mine from grade school told me after an episode (one of my dilemmas) that I have to learn to accept that everything has it’s place & that it will eventually fall into place, that I shouldn’t force anything to change it. I know there are reasons why things happen & sometimes I’m not sure I want to accept what is happening then here comes the thought maybe I could change it but when the decisions not mine to make then I have to submit.This week made me think of my friends. I may not have a million friends but I am thankful for the ones I have. Those who accept me for who I am (including my bitching & quirks),(Myles, for every dilemma I have, here you come with a positive reaction & bringing with you your wisdom, thanks) maybe just maybe one of these days I’ll get a little wiser.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

New year

The holidays have past and it's the new year. This is the time for new beginnings, and I have come to realize there are things I have taken for granted this past year now I know better and learned how to cherish more without going overboard on the sentimental side of it. I remember a text someone sent me that a person only realizes the importance when it's already gone. I just think of it as "it was not meant to be, or maybe in another lifetime." Holidays makes us think of the year it was, for me it was one roller coaster of a ride. I can't say it was bad, if there's one thing for sure it was definitely not boring. I learned a lot about myself (which was usually pointed out by someone). If there's one thing I could say this Christmas is one of my most unforgettable as well as last years. It's the one I could say I found and I lost. it's a new year and it's time for me to move forward, no looking back. I was thinking of what to write and I wanted to write about sadness, but I am not. If there's one thing I can't stay sad long even if I try to, some say that I take things lightly, but I don't, I always say, there is no use crying over spilled milk, it's already gone so what's the use of wasting time pondering over it. There is only a certain amount of time I allow myself to be sad, whatever the reason may be. It's the new year, and I tell myself no holding of bitterness in me. I may have been hurt last year, but hey that was last year, this is the new year, no more of that. There is a new me in town and I intend on making me a better person.

 
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My Daily Struggles by Melissa tantoco is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.